Looking forward to sharing more about my adventures on the Pacific Crest Trail at our next Run Mindful Retreat coming up this June in the beautiful mountains of Boulder Colorado. The PCT was like one long meditation journey, full of lessons of self-acceptance and self-discovery. Come join us at the retreat for daily guided meditations, breathwork, integration workshops, trail running, forest bathing, yoga flow, mountain creek bathing, delicious cuisine, and new friendships as we introduce you to the rich trail culture here at Run Mindful. Hope you can join!
Reflections on the PCT…
Early in the morning before my first step on the Pacific Crest Trail, I knew my life was forever changing. I knew that somehow embarking on this adventure meant that I was saying farewell to the old me, those old stories that kept me stuck in the past, past mistakes, misfortune, mistrust, and missteps along the way. It was a journey towards remembering why I’m here and towards stepping into my power. That first morning, rising from a restless night of sleep, and stepping up to the southern terminus, knees trembling, mind quivering, and voice shaking, I placed some crystal in the earth below as a gift and offering. Then I lit a bundle of sweet smelling sage incense to clear the space. I sang prayers to the earth and for humanity, asking for permission to enter the great cathedral of the Pacific Crest Trail and to continue this path until the northern terminus of Canada. Ahead lay 2,650 strenuous and glorious miles in the distance. I didn’t know what was to come but my curiosity was being quenched with every step into the grandest initiation of my life.
When you go off into nature with a sincere intention to evolve, you can’t come back the same. There is only one option. I was on a quest, to realize my deepest truths, to receive the gifts of nature, and to share my stories and revelations with the world. It’s a vision quest to grow into my best self, or I used to think that. I used to think I needed to destroy the old parts of me, the ugly parts that I wanted to hide. I hated these dark, shadowy and unbecoming areas of myself and wanted to destroy, kill and leave those aspects of me in the forest. While running the PCT, a deep realization surfaced. I was not trying to destroy all the ugly parts but helping the projected “ugly” parts find a safe place to live inside of me. It was a journey of accepting, embracing, feeling, and loving all aspects of myself. My experiences showed me that the universe was not against me, plotting to make me miserable, that life wasn’t happening TO me but on the contrary life was happening FOR me. Life was giving me lessons and blessings daily so that I could remember the true beauty that I am. I always thought I’d come back from these crazy runs transformed, having transcended it all. In that transformation, I thought the parts of myself that I deemed as “bad” would dissolve and I would only be left with the “good” parts. Along that PCT path, a transformation of sorts did unfold but it wasn’t a dissolving of parts of self. I had a realization that the good parts and the bad parts are all beautiful parts of me – it was a journey of integration. I realized the quest was to fully love myself in my rawest ugliest beat-down states, to observe and love those parts of me too. And when I can truly love and accept all of me, the truest version of myself will shine through. My whole life I was constantly searching but during the PCT it unearthed the gem I was searching for all along. Love thy self.
I’m so excited to keep reflecting on my PCT journey and sharing more. The adventure was like one long meditation of self-discovery and it transformed me in ways that I’m still unfolding. Join us at our upcoming Run Mindful Retreat to hear more stories and to embark on your own journey of self-discovery!